I lost myself for a while. After a rough and disappointing labor and delivery my son was born on June 3rd. He was five weeks early, but since I was diagnosed with preeclampsia, he had to come out. After 24 hours of labor and no progress, since the high blood pressure meds counteracted the effects of the pitocin, I had a c-section.
My beautiful miracle boy spent 12 days in the NICU, he did not have the ability to suck. Yes, all of the things that could have happened I am lucky that was all. But, having to visit your newborn baby when all the other new moms get to see their baby's whenever they want is so heartbreaking. I got so much advice and stories, none of which helped. I was treated like I was going through postpartum depression. I just wanted to hold my child and take him home.
Anyway, I finally got to take my son home, and it was rough. I don;t live near my parents or inlaws, my SIL already has two kids of her own. My parents came up quite a lot, but it was rough when my husband went back to work. Anthony had digestive issues and I was stressed. Going back to work in September was a lifesaver. Now my husband works evenings and I work days, but things are a lot better. Anthony is going to be 6 months old and doing so well. I still have some more work to do to feel like my former self. I need to eat healthy and live healthy. I am slowly remember the independent powerful, confident women I used to be. I am determined to now be an INDEPENDENT, POWERFUL, CONFIDENT MOTHER.
I know I can do it, I can find a way to make it work. Sure my husand works a different shift and I am a single mother during the week, sure I am nonstop once I get home to a baby and a dog. Sure, I have to rearrange my life and cook, eat, sleep differently....... BUT I wouldn't change it for the world. Last November I was two months pregnant and all this was but a dream.
I am truly thankful for my life, for who is in my life, for what I have. Every time I get fustrated I just think about all those years I wanted a baby, nothing was worse than thinking I would be childless. So, bring it on, I'm a working mother who can do it ALL! I know I can! I am so pround of myself!
My beautiful miracle boy spent 12 days in the NICU, he did not have the ability to suck. Yes, all of the things that could have happened I am lucky that was all. But, having to visit your newborn baby when all the other new moms get to see their baby's whenever they want is so heartbreaking. I got so much advice and stories, none of which helped. I was treated like I was going through postpartum depression. I just wanted to hold my child and take him home.
Anyway, I finally got to take my son home, and it was rough. I don;t live near my parents or inlaws, my SIL already has two kids of her own. My parents came up quite a lot, but it was rough when my husband went back to work. Anthony had digestive issues and I was stressed. Going back to work in September was a lifesaver. Now my husband works evenings and I work days, but things are a lot better. Anthony is going to be 6 months old and doing so well. I still have some more work to do to feel like my former self. I need to eat healthy and live healthy. I am slowly remember the independent powerful, confident women I used to be. I am determined to now be an INDEPENDENT, POWERFUL, CONFIDENT MOTHER.
I know I can do it, I can find a way to make it work. Sure my husand works a different shift and I am a single mother during the week, sure I am nonstop once I get home to a baby and a dog. Sure, I have to rearrange my life and cook, eat, sleep differently....... BUT I wouldn't change it for the world. Last November I was two months pregnant and all this was but a dream.
I am truly thankful for my life, for who is in my life, for what I have. Every time I get fustrated I just think about all those years I wanted a baby, nothing was worse than thinking I would be childless. So, bring it on, I'm a working mother who can do it ALL! I know I can! I am so pround of myself!
7 comments:
It's good to hear from you again. Have been thinking about all of you.
Anthony is so cute! Sorry to hear about the rough time. Glad that you're getting back to your old self, the confident you!
So happy to see Balboa's face too. Sure have missed this little cutie.
Karen
I'm proud of you too. So pleased that you have the baby you have always wanted, and that you are all well. A lovely family pic.
Kate
I know what it is like to just want to take your baby home with you. I had a normal delivery and Amara in fact got to come home with me. When she was 5 days old she turned blue and ended up in the NICU for a week. After test it was found that she had a blood vessel in her brain that hadn't closed and was pumping blood onto her brain causing her to have seizures. Those feelings aren't something that anyone who hasn't gone through it will ever understand. You are doing wonderful with everything.
She is now 14 and fine.
A miracle indeed! When are kids aren't OK, it's so so hard. You're a strong Mama!
Merry Christmas!
(came by from SITS) :)
I am so glad to hear you are able to see the good in being a mother. As someone who is dying to be pregnant, i can only hope to be one next year at this time.
Visiting from SITS
I am glad that you are enjoying motherhood. Have a happy holiday! Visiting from SITS.
He is a beautiful baby!
Visiting from SITS. Hope you had a wonderful Christmas!
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