what should I do & Coffee is my drug

So, I finally being open and honest with myself, but not ready for others. When the topic comes up, do I say it there in front of everyone and see the pity in their eyes or do I just walk away from the conversation. I'm not sure what to do at that point. Tomorrow I go to work at the school where, they're going to want to know if I'm okay, since last time I was there I was not myself. I have to just tell them (all women around my age, two of them with kids). I just don't want the questions or stories of family members who went through this. I don't want them saying that I have to deal with it either to me or behind my back, not that I have any control over that. We have monthly reading lunches, I went to all of them with one exception because of a school activity, but I don't want to go this time. I just don't feel up to it, two are pregnant, one has a 9 month old and the other just gave birth to her second. It's just so hard, I love the restaurant, I love being part of the group, but I don't think I can handle it anymore.



I've learned that lots of wet kisses from this guy cures it all..........

Despite all these emotions and dissapointments, I'm still a DIVA,

I refuse to let my DIVAHOOD be taken away!!!

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So, onto my drug of choice.... COFFEE


I just love my coffee, though my greatest loves are Tony and Balboa, but anyway back to COFFEE. Tony and I have always had arguments about coffee, I like it in brewed in a pot and light, Tony likes it in a perculator and strong. Well..... Tony solved that problem, he bought the Keurig coffee maker, we've had it for about two months and I think this would be my favorite appliance in the house.

No matter what size button you press the coffee comes out perfect, Tony and I can each have our coffee of choice and drink it at the same time. You select your size and all that coffee goodness just poor into your cup. If you go on Keruig.com you can order 4 packs and save $ and get free shipping. You can also order a pack of five to try the coffe so you're not stuck with a pack of 24 that you hate.




my favorites are.............................

Green Mountain - Half Calf, perfect for the afternoon.



Green Mountain - Breakfast blend, light and fresh



Timothy's - decaf, oooooh so good


Green Mountain - Wild Mountain Blueberry, OMG smells and tastes like fresh blueberries

Gloria Jeans - cappuccino, you can only make the small size, but very GOOD

Gloria Jeans - white organic tea, great, small but great!

not me anymore

Sorry, I haven't posted in a while, I am so tired. I don't know what to do? I put on this happy pretend face all day and by the time I get home I am so tired, all I want to do is crawl under the covers and sleep.

I received so many wonderful comments regarding my post on baby issues, I know there is more to me than just wanting a baby. Its just so hard right now, everywhere I look there are babies and pregnant woman.

I don't want to go back to that dark place where all I did was complain and cry, but I feel myself slipping there more and more every day. I cry in the morning, I cry in the shower, I cry on the way to work, I cry on the way home. I fully of jealousy and "why not me". I hate feeling like that, but I can't stop it. I'm scared that I'm going to lose the important things in my life, but I can't stop.

It was somewhat comforting writing this out and letting it go, but I can't see through the tears anymore.

Thank you for letting me vent.